Military romance scams: How to protect yourself

If someone you’ve met online claims to be in the military and is asking for money, gift cards, or sensitive information or photos, pause before sending anything.

These are common red flags of a military romance scam, where fraudsters pose as service members to gain trust and exploit people emotionally and financially.

Understanding how these scams work can help you spot warning signs early and protect yourself from harm.

What is a military romance scam?

A military romance scam refers to a criminal impersonating a member of the military service with the intent to lure victims into a fake online relationship. Once trust is established, the scammer may emotionally manipulate the victim into giving them money or performing other favors. Such scammers often reference deployment-related excuses to avoid meeting in person and to make their story seem believable.

How do these scams work?

Most of these scams start with fake profiles on dating apps or social media. This is a trend reflected in the Federal Trade Commission (FTC)’s findings: 40% of people who lost money to a romance scam said the initial contact began on social media, while nearly 20% said it started on a dating site or app.

From there, scammers may try to push the conversation to a private messaging app like Telegram or WhatsApp, where content is harder to moderate. It’s also easier for them to stay anonymous on these platforms while continuing the scam.

They typically work to establish trust through frequent contact and ongoing attention. Over time, this makes it easier for impostors to present crises that pressure victims into sending money, gift cards, or sensitive information like workplace details or Social Security numbers. In the wrong hands, your personal data can lead to serious harm, such as identity theft, emotional distress, damaged credit, unauthorized loans, and more.

Some fraudsters ask for money or personal details early on, while others spend more time building a false sense of connection before introducing a sudden “emergency” to pressure the victim into helping. If they succeed, some vanish right away, while others continue escalating with new stories to extract more from the victim. In some cases, they may even resort to blackmail if sensitive information or photos were shared.

Who is the target of military romance scams, and why?

Anyone can fall victim to a military romance scam, but attackers often seem to favor widowed or divorced seniors, people who openly express support for the troops, and sometimes even service members themselves.

They often target older adults because they’re viewed as financially stable and more likely to trust someone who appears sincere. While this pattern isn’t unique to romance scams, broader fraud data reflects the same risk. According to the Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3), Americans aged 60 and up lost about $3.4 billion to fraud in 2023, an 11% jump from 2022.

Younger adults also appear in several high-risk groups, though findings are more mixed. DateID’s analysis of 10,000 romance scam victims suggests that men aged 25 to 44 make up a large share of reported cases. By contrast, a study cited by Time found that Gen Z is more than three times as likely as baby boomers to fall for online scams (though note this applies to general online fraud rather than romance scams alone).

Common warning signs and tactics used by scammers

Scammers may vary their approach, but the core tactics stay largely the same. Here are the main ones to look out for:

• Forced romantic connections: Scammers may call you their “soulmate,” talk about a future together, or insist they’ve never felt this way before, all within just a few days or weeks of chatting. This “love bombing” is a manipulation tactic that creates a false sense of intimacy and makes you more willing to overlook inconsistencies.
• Emotional manipulation and flattery: Fraudsters build fast connections by offering frequent compliments and sharing made-up personal stories to gain sympathy and form emotional bonds. These made-up stories are often created to elicit pity, such as claiming their loved ones are deceased.
• Hard-to-track payment platforms: Scammers often push for payment through methods like cryptocurrency or gift cards since they're difficult to reverse and help to conceal their identity or location.

Red flags that signal a military romance scam

Poor grammar or unnatural military terminology

Messages with poor grammar, abrupt shifts in writing style, and incorrect use of military ranks or acronyms can be strong warning signs. Note that with AI tools, scammers can now produce messages with flawless grammar and spelling, so this alone isn’t a reliable indicator of whether someone is who they claim to be.

Requests for money

Financial requests are one of the clearest signs of a military romance scam. Impersonators often create urgent-sounding situations, such as claiming they can’t access their bank accounts or need money for medical procedures, food, or supposed “leave fees.”

In reality, deployed service members typically don’t pay for essentials like food or medical care, and they normally aren’t responsible for covering their own transportation costs to return home. The U.S. military provides comprehensive support and medical insurance that covers these needs, and other militaries across the world tend to offer similar benefits. So, when someone claiming to be a soldier asks for money, it can be a strong sign that something isn’t right.

Inconsistent or conflicting details

Scammers creating fake stories often slip up, leaving inconsistencies or contradictions. These may include shifting mission details or personal histories, or timelines that don’t align. Any pattern of unclear or changing details is a potential red flag.

Unusual secrecy

Con artists often introduce an excuse for secrecy early in the relationship. They may claim to be on a classified mission, deployed in a location where communication is restricted, or unable to take video calls due to “military security rules.” These explanations make it harder for the target to verify who they are speaking to.

Scammers also tend to push for conversations to stay private, discouraging the victim from mentioning the relationship to friends or family. This isolation reduces the likelihood that someone else will notice inconsistencies in their story.

How to verify the person behind the profile

Ask questions that test authenticity

Asking the right questions can reveal inconsistencies quickly. Look out for vague responses, inconsistent details, or a reluctance to answer.

• Confirm service details: Ask about their deployment location, unit, rank, job responsibilities, and the timeline of their service. Impersonators often struggle to describe these elements accurately and in a way that makes sense.
• Check basic procedures: Bring up routine military processes or experiences and compare their answers with publicly available information. Anything that conflicts with standard procedures is a clear warning sign.

Request verifiable proof

If the conversation feels genuine, it’s reasonable to ask for something that confirms their identity.

• Suggest a short video call: Most service members have occasional access to video, even while deployed. Someone who consistently avoids live interaction may not be who they claim to be. When checking for authenticity, watch for signs of manipulation, such as stiff expressions or audio-to-mouth mismatches, as these may indicate reused footage or AI-generated content.
• Ask for a recent, time-stamped photo in uniform: This can help confirm that the person matches the images on their profile. Scammers relying on stolen photos can struggle to meet this request. If the scammer does send you a picture, verify that it isn’t AI-generated.
• Avoid military ID photos: Real service members know that sending an image of their military ID violates policy. Anyone who sends you one is likely using a stolen, altered, or fabricated ID.

Confirm identity through official channels

Several legitimate resources can help verify whether someone is actually serving.

• Defense Manpower Data Center (DMDC): The Servicemembers Civil Relief Act (SCRA) verification tool can confirm whether someone with the details you provide is listed as on active duty under Title 10. However, it does not verify that the person contacting you is who they claim to be.
• Personnel locator services: Some branches maintain personnel locator services that can confirm whether a service member with a given name exists in their records. However, they do not verify the identity of anyone contacting you online.
• .mil and Army Post Office / Fleet Post Office (APO/FPO) addresses: In the U.S. military, genuine service members have access to official .mil email addresses and, if deployed, may use APO or FPO mailing addresses. While these can be signs of legitimate military affiliation, they can also be spoofed or misused by scammers, so they shouldn’t be treated as proof on their own.. Other militaries may have similar standard methods of communication you can check.

Run image and profile checks

A few quick searches can reveal whether photos or profile details appear elsewhere on the internet. If they appear linked to other identities, it may be a sign that you’re speaking to a scammer who’s using stolen photos or information.

• Reverse image search: Right-click a photo and select “Search image with Google Lens” to search the web for similar images, or upload it directly to Google Images or another reverse-image tool to see where else it appears online
• Cross-reference names and details: Search the person’s name along with terms like “scam,” to check if this identity has been used to commit fraud before. If you find social media profiles using the same name or photos, check them for inconsistencies.

Note: Romance scams can happen anywhere, including on dating platforms marketed toward service members or military supporters. Being cautious and verifying information is important no matter where you meet someone online.

Impact on victims

Romance scam victims often experience significant emotional distress, including anxiety, depression, shame, and withdrawal from meaningful relationships. Many hesitate to seek help because they fear being judged for trusting someone who exploited their emotions.

Financial losses can range from a few hundred dollars to amounts that can have a serious long-term impact. FTC figures show how widespread the problem is: reported romance-scam losses reached $1.3 billion in 2022 (median loss $4,400) and $1.14 billion in 2023 (median loss $2,000).

What to do if you’ve been scammed

Realizing that you’ve been scammed can be upsetting, but taking quick and deliberate action can help limit further harm. Avoid confronting the scammer directly, as this can escalate the situation or prompt them to target you again.

Instead, cut all contact and report the scammer’s account to the relevant dating or social media service. You may also wish to report the incident to the appropriate government bodies. If you previously provided the scammer with sensitive information, update your passwords across all sensitive accounts and enable two-factor authentication (2FA) where available.

You can also use an identity theft protection tool, like ExpressVPN’s Identity Defender (available on select U.S. plans), which offers a suite of features, including Credit Scanner to track your credit score and receive alerts about new credit activity, ID Alerts to notify you of potential misuse of your personal information, and ID Theft Insurance*, which can provide financial support if identity fraud occurs.

If you’ve already sent the scammer money, you might want to consider contacting your bank and freezing your credit. If the payment was made by credit card or bank transfer, you may be able to request a chargeback or wire recall. Unfortunately, payments made through gift cards, wire transfers, or cryptocurrency are far more challenging to recover.

Resources for recovery and support

Recovering from a scam often requires both emotional support and practical steps.

Emotional and psychological support

Counseling and peer support can help victims rebuild confidence, process feelings of betrayal, and reconnect with community and family..

Peer support programs

Several organizations and nonprofits offer safe spaces for victims to share experiences and connect with others who’ve been through similar scams:

• FightCybercrime.org’s romance scam recovery groups: A 10-week virtual program led by counselors.
• Advocating Against Romance Scams (AARS): Provides peer support, publishes recovery guides, and runs public-education webinars.

Reporting and official assistance

Victims can find guidance or file reports through:

• Federal Trade Commission (FTC)
• Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3)
• Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre (CAFC)

Local shelters, community organizations, and legal-aid groups may also provide counseling and practical help.

*The insurance is underwritten and administered by American Bankers Insurance Company of Florida, an Assurant company, under group or blanket policies issued to Array US Inc, or its respective affiliates for the benefit of its Members. Please refer to the actual policies for terms, conditions, and exclusions of coverage. Coverage may not be available in all jurisdictions. Review the Summary of Benefits.